Amalgamation - Chapter 1, Separation

Title:  Amalgamation
Author:  Loraine95
Game:  Mass Effect 3, Dragon Age
Characters:  Kaidan Alenko, Alistair, Female Shepard
Disclaimer:  All characters are the property of Bioware.

You probably gave up on me finishing this story. Truth is...my husband and I had a baby! And that took up some time. I never forgot about this story, however, and after the extended cut and release of Dragon Age: Inquisition, I have to finish what I started. I'm sorry for not doing this sooner.

I have edited and added to existing chapters to clean up some lore issues, especially after the Mass Effect extended cut. I endeavor to post a chapter a week from here on out. I'm so excited to bring you once again on this journey with Commander Shepard. Please message me with your thoughts. I love to hear them.
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Chapter One - Separation

"Come on, Shepard. Just take five minutes. A quick drink. Then I'll go."

I've heard this line before, I thought to myself. We're about to go against the reapers head on, and Kaidan... I sighed internally, resigning myself to my fate. Maybe this is just what I need.

Data pad still in hand, I reluctantly joined him by the couch and took the glass he extended to me. "Shepard, you know you've done everything you could, right?"

Sitting down, exhausted, I rubbed my temples and tried to block out the endless scenarios running through my mind. "I hope so. I keep running the numbers to see if I've missed something." I knew myself too well. Once we get to London, I'm going to think of everything I should have done. How I should have placed more Turians with the alpha team, how perhaps fewer Krogans were really needed with the bravo team when they could have been more useful on the front lines.

"You don't have to take this all on yourself. Look to your crew, to the talented people fighting by your side." He sat down beside me, his presence reassuring. "What you've accomplished since the reapers arrived is, well, it's nothing short of amazing." Leaning in close, he fixed his gaze on me. "It's, it's going to be...it's going to be what it is."

He always did try to be gentle but honest. We both knew there was really, according to EDI, a 1.2% chance of success. I guess it's better than zero. Just call me Ms. Brightside. Turning toward him, I tried to smile. "There's always something more that I could have done." I caressed his cheek, realizing I was so thankful for him, my soft place to land. Without him, I would have gone crazy or been killed by now. If I was honest with myself, I was grateful for the distraction he provided. "You're exactly what I need right now, Kaidan."

I closed my eyes and felt his lips gently press against mine. Almost all of my tension melted away. Almost.

Kaidan let out a guilty laugh. "I lied. I didn't come up here for a quick drink." I smirked and kissed him again. "I know." Wrapping my arms around his neck, I whispered, "You mean a lot to me Kaidan. I love you." As he drew me into a warm embrace, he whispered back, "I love you, too. I always have. And I have something important to ask you."

His heart was pounding so hard I could feel it against my own chest. What could it be? Is there someone he wants me to find for him? A student or his father perhaps? We don't have time for side trips, and he should know that I...

He pulled away and took my hands in his. His face flushed, and his breathing shortened. I was starting to worry.

"Kaidan, what is it? Is there something wrong? Do I need to get Dr. Chakwas?"

Squeezing my hands, he laughed nervously. "No, no, I'm fine. I mean, I'll be fine. I hope. It really depends on you." He took a deep breath and looked down, collecting his thoughts. Then he began to speak.

"I was crazy for you from the moment I carried you back to the Normandy from Eden Prime. And I fell in love with you that night before Ilos. I've loved you ever since, even when I thought you were dead, even when I thought you were with Cerberus, I was never able to let you go. And I can't lose you again. We've made it so far together, you and I, against all odds. Surviving the first reaper at the Citadel, the collector attacks. And here we are, together, like I think we were meant to be." He hesitated, swallowing hard. Then he stood, letting go of my hands and reaching into his right shirt pocket. Finding what he sought, he knelt down in front of me, one knee to the ground.

What's happening? Is this honestly happening? I felt my own breathing get shallower and my heart begin to flutter.

Kaidan opened his hand and within it was a flawless silver band. It reflected the light of my cabin, appearing nearly white due to its brilliance. Looking into my eyes expectantly, I could feel him trying to read my thoughts.

"I never want to be without you, and even if all of this goes south, I want to leave knowing we had a future beyond this war. If we get through this, I want to spend the rest of my life with you." He paused, and then... "Marry me, Shepard."

I was speechless. As tears filled my eyes, all I could do was nod. I fell forward onto him, knocking him backwards and landing on his chest. He held me in a tight hug, laughing warmly.

"I'll take that as a yes." Pulling me to my feet, he grabbed my left hand and slipped the band onto my finger. "I know you're a practical woman, strong and pure, beautiful and magnificent. Like this ring. You're such a rare and wonderful thing to find amidst all this...darkness."

I wiped away my tears and kissed him. I couldn't bring myself to let him go. "Kaidan, I wish I was as eloquent with words. All I can say is that I feel the same for you, and I never want to live a day without you again."

"And that makes me so happy," he replied, smiling.

I suddenly had even more to fight for.
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It was hard to believe that was only last night. Or was it two days ago? It was getting harder to think. Must...stay...awake. Can't...pass out...

The rubble from some kind of blast was pushing on my chest. Was it a blast? I could smell burning flesh. Was it mine? Think, Shepard, get it together. I knew my life depended on it. I've been with soldiers who couldn't stay with it, and once they fell asleep, you could never wake them back up.

Okay, thinking will help. Remember. There was a child...on the Citadel. The Catalyst. A choice I had to make. What did I do? I remember drawing my gun and…the Reapers...destroy the Reapers. The geth, EDI, all synthetic life, I destroyed. All gone, because of me.

I could feel the anger and grief welling up in me. Good, that was good. Adrenaline will keep me alive.

Voices. A search party, maybe? I couldn't see through the haze and dust. Louder now, footsteps, clanking.

"Over here! I see something moving."

"If it's darkspawn, kill the fiend and let us be on our way."

"Let me take a closer look."

Weight off of my chest, and I could see...I could...

"Maker's breath, I think it's a woman! She's awake, but barely."

A man, blonde, shiny. Shiny? I must be hallucinating. Reflecting light from...somewhere. Flashlights maybe? As he moved more rubble from around my body, I could see he was wearing metal gloves. Shiny metal gloves and armor. Armor like I'd only seen in vids. Another man, brown hair and a beard, joined him to help lift me onto something soft. A stretcher? I couldn't tell.

"What in Andraste's name is she wearing?" one of the asked.

The blonde inspected me. "There's a patch here with strange writing on it. Nothing I recognize. Where could she have come from?"

"Well, Duncan's been to several lands. Perhaps he would recognize her armor. Tevinter, maybe?"

They both picked up the...stretcher? Cot? And began carrying me, the blonde behind and the bearded man in front. "In any case, it looks like the darkspawn left her for dead. How do you think she ended up under all that rubble?" Enough adrenaline had pumped through my system that I had enough strength to finally speak.

"Who are you? I need to see Admiral Anderson." It hit me suddenly that Anderson had died up there. Died right beside me. My mentor, my friend, and now he's gone. I tried to sit up, but pain shot through my back like a knife. Cursing under my breath, I bit my lip to keep from passing out.

They stopped, still holding me, the blonde one looking surprised. "You speak! And with a most interesting accent. You've been badly injured. If your admiral is out there, we'll find him. Now tell us, what were you doing out here alone? What is your name?"

I tried to keep my frustration and worry at bay long enough to answer. "My name is Shepard, and I'm with the Alliance. I'm a Spectre. Are we still in London? Who is your commanding officer? And what the hell is darkspawn?"

Now I could tell they were especially confused. What is going on?

"Uh, right, London, you said? Is that where you think you are? And this 'alliance' you speak of, who is it an alliance with, exactly? And what, pray, is a Spectre?"

I gritted my teeth against the pain. "Just tell me who you are and who you're with."

The two men began walking again, the blonde looking down at me as he spoke. "Alistair of the Grey Wardens, pleased to make your acquaintance. I'd shake your hand, but I'm a bit busy carrying a load that's a lot heavier than it looks." Ah, a smart alec. Wonderful. "What you call London, we call Ostagar, which is in Ferelden," he stated in a tone that implied he was talking to a 5-year old.

Grey Wardens? Ostagar? Ferelden? What in the world is going on? And on which world, exactly?